I just came home from a movie with Chris. We went and saw Brothers and although it was an excellent movie I'm not quite sure if I would ever like to see it again. It hit too many nerves. It produced too many tears and fed my already ever-growing fear. It seemed too...real.

Chris is my everything. My heart is completely his. Although I have been in love before, it has never been like this. Chris makes me feel emotions I didn't even know existed. My love for him never stops growing, and I can't imagine it ever will. I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with him. But with that want there comes a responsibility. A responsibility that in all honesty I wish I didn't even have to consider, but it is a responsibility that I would not back down from. Chris wants to be a Marine. He's wanted that ever since he was a little boy. He wants to serve his country. And I understand that. I support his dream. Fully and completely. I can be a Marine wife. I can raise our children single-handedly while he's away. I can kiss him goodbye when he gets deployed. I can wait for him, and always be faithful. I can pray every night for his safety and the safety of his men. I can do all of that. I will do all of that. But I will not accept a folded up flag. I will not answer the door to Marines with unwanted news. I won't take a phone call. I will not read a letter telling me goodbye. I cannot do that. I will not.

It's too soon for me to even think about it. It's too soon for me to be this scared, to get this emotional. But I can't help it.

I love him.