Huh.

You would think after 20 years I would be able to at the very least understand what I am thinking half the time. But of course I don't. My thoughts just linger in my head throughout the day in a constant jumble as they all fight to be the one that screams at me the loudest. Some days I'm content with which one successfully beats out the others and wins five minutes or so of my dedication. However I have to say the majority of the time I cringe with the thought that deafens the others temporarily. Really, my life would be far less complex if it wasn't for my line of thinking.

When I was a little girl and my mother left me I spent a lot of time in a tree in front of my house. I would sit there for hours, watching the birds fly overhead and the cars pass by in the street. I used to spy on my neighbors, watching them as they worked in their yards, fed their cats, had parties, fought with one another and just simply walked in and out of their houses. I liked knowing life went on without me really existing.

I'm pretty sure at this point in my life I exist more than I ever have before. If that even makes sense. But I'm not so sure that life goes on. It's as though it has just stopped. Every day is the exact same. Same thoughts, same wants, same complaints and the same mindless chatter.

Maybe I just need to find another tree to climb.

Make Me Believe

I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide
Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher
They just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight
I'm just holding on tight...
I've got someone who loves me more then words can say
And I'm thankful for that each and every day
And if I count all my blessings, I get a smile on my face
Still it's hard to find faith..

[Chorus:]
But if you can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave You just might make me believe

Its just day to day tryin' to make ends meet
What id give for an address out on easy street
I need a deep margarita to help me unwind
Leave my troubles behind...

[Repeat Chorus]

I used to believe in us
When times got tough
But lately I'm afraid that even love is not enough

[Chorus:]
But if you can can look in my eyes
And tell me we'll be alright
If you promise never to leave you just might make me
Oh, you just might make me
You just might make me believe

I will always remember you Sonia

Sonia, you were so beautiful. You were taken away from us so suddenly, that we are left to wonder why and mourn such a hard loss. But I know that you don't want any of us to cry over your death. You want us to remember you as you were, always smiling and happy.



I never told you this but you brought me so much joy. Your smiles and kind words were always so encouraging to me. I loved that no matter the day you were always so positive and high in spirits. I'm certain that every life you touched while you were here on earth is so much better because of you. I will miss your smile, your laughter, your sense of humor, and your way of making every one around you better just by being you.



Girl's nights will never be the same without you. But we will all always remember you. I love you Sonia and I am so sorry that I didn't tell you that enough.

Rest in Peace my friend.