Huh.

You would think after 20 years I would be able to at the very least understand what I am thinking half the time. But of course I don't. My thoughts just linger in my head throughout the day in a constant jumble as they all fight to be the one that screams at me the loudest. Some days I'm content with which one successfully beats out the others and wins five minutes or so of my dedication. However I have to say the majority of the time I cringe with the thought that deafens the others temporarily. Really, my life would be far less complex if it wasn't for my line of thinking.

When I was a little girl and my mother left me I spent a lot of time in a tree in front of my house. I would sit there for hours, watching the birds fly overhead and the cars pass by in the street. I used to spy on my neighbors, watching them as they worked in their yards, fed their cats, had parties, fought with one another and just simply walked in and out of their houses. I liked knowing life went on without me really existing.

I'm pretty sure at this point in my life I exist more than I ever have before. If that even makes sense. But I'm not so sure that life goes on. It's as though it has just stopped. Every day is the exact same. Same thoughts, same wants, same complaints and the same mindless chatter.

Maybe I just need to find another tree to climb.