Runaway

Have you ever felt like your whole world is crumbling to pieces? As though the world is collapsing all around you and within minutes you will find yourself at the bottom of the rubble, trying without success to get out from under?

I don't think I can breathe. There's too much going on. Everywhere I turn there's a pile of problems that I simply no longer have the strength to face. I'm screaming inside myself and trying desperately to put on a brave face. But each day gets longer, harder. I am confident that one day I'm just going to disappear. Slip off the face of the earth without a second thought. You'll find me underneath the pile of heartbreak, stress, and tormenting emotions.

I have no idea who actually reads this pitiful thing. Whether I have a random flock of followers, friends that read silently, or no one at all. Either way I want you to know that I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for you to rescue me. I'm not even looking for your understanding. I don't type random words on here for anyone's pleasure. This isn't my cry for attention. This is just me expressing myself in one of the few ways I know how. And even then this isn't adequate enough. If I had the opportunity to strip myself completely down into words I don't think I would. Words mean a lot to me. More than they perhaps should. And in all honesty, I'm a bit afraid of what my words would really have to say.

I think I'm going to run away. Get in my truck and drive. Max out my credit by buying gas. I need a break from everything. I need a fresh start, a new beginning. I want to reinvent myself. I don't want any more responsibility. I don't want to feel 30 years past my 20. I don't want to be a mom. I don't want to pretend that I'm okay. I don't want to think about if my friends are still my friends. I don't want to think about if my boyfriend still wants me forever. I don't want to think. I just want to go. Go and never look back.

I'm going to pack my bags. Stop me if you can.