I just want this to all go away. Is that too much to ask for? Can I not find peace? My heart hurts so much. I'm so confused as what I'm supposed to do. The silence is killing me. Every fiber of me just wants to run back into his arms and never leave. But I'm smarter than that. Wiser than that. I know so much more needs to happen before I can even really consider that option. But my love for him hasn't decreased in the slightest. My dreams of a future with him have not dimmed. Things just won't be as easy as I hoped they would be. But then again isn't that what love is? Isn't it hard and difficult? Is it not worth fighting for? Not worth exhausting every option? I think not.

In all likelihood I may still be dreaming. I may be trying to fix things that can't be fixed. But I'm not giving up yet. I still have hope.

And maybe that's why I haven't completely fallen apart yet.