What now?

The rain was pouring down. Lightning struck somewhere far away in the distance. And in a second my world was shattered. I never thought we would get here. Despite every thing baby I didn't think we would come to this. I didn't think you'd hurt me like this. You told me it was wrong to fear you. You told me you'd never hurt me. But aren't I too old to find truth in anyone's promise? Your hand grabbed my neck and wouldn't let go. I couldn't breathe, and as I struggled to get away you just squeezed tighter. It all happened so fast. The closing of my throat as air tried to break through, your shove that sent me stumbling backwards. How easily I could've just lost my footing as I stood barefoot in the rain. How easily I could've slipped and hit the rocks in my yard. Part of me wishes I did. I think I would rather be knocked unconscious than be fully aware of the gravity of the situation.

I told you I didn't want to be with you anymore. And that couldn't be further from the truth. You have my heart. But how can I be with you when you're like this? I know that you aren't all to blame. I know I upset you. I know my words and opinions are what set you off. But I can't add up all these excuses and have it equal a reason for what you did.

It's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. You left over two hours ago and my throat still burns from where you hurt me. We aren't together. Not for now. I need a few days. And really so do you. The hardest part is you don't even understand what you did wrong. The excuses add up for you.

I love you. But what am I supposed to do now? Is this the beginning of change or simply goodbye?