Resurrection

For the past few days I've been nearly emotionless. I've shut down. Battered and bruised I laid my head down to rest and I never truly got back up. I've shed very few tears. I've been alone, a lot. Especially considering I live with my best friend. I've had the thoughts to do something. Find success in dying. But I didn't have the energy to even formulate a plan in my head. All I've wanted to do is nothing. And even when I'm doing something, I'm really not. One of my coworkers had a conversation with me today. No clue what he said. He finally stopped me, touched my shoulder and said, "You didn't hear anything I said, did you? You're not here, at all. Are you okay?" I just smiled, apologized, made some lame excuse and walked away.

I got out of my truck and had way too many things in my hands. My phone slipped and fell to the street. Bam, another crack in the screen. I barely cared. I walked into my apartment and felt even more empty because the place was lifeless. No one was waiting for me, silly as that sounds. My boyfriend was heading over, and I was forcing him to stay with me tonight because I couldn't stand being alone anymore. Even the realization that he'd be there shortly, however, wasn't enough. I just felt very weak. I walked into my room to lay down until he knocked on the door and on my bed was a basket. Pictures were scattered neatly around it. My mouth couldn't help but curl into a smile. My heart was filled with warmth. Life, for a second, became so much brighter. I love my best friend.

Christ is risen from the dead. Death has no power over Him. In choosing to believe in Him, I also choose to rise from the dead too. But Christ understands my weakness. He understands my struggles and my needs. He understands what it feels like to have a cross too heavy to carry. So Christ has given me people to help me along the way. Jamie helped me through her texts tonight while I struggled so very much to keep on working. Erin showered me with love, and holds my hand through everything. And Chris is here to hold me while I sleep. It's Easter Sunday and Jesus is not in the tomb. I can't lie to you and tell you everything is better, but Christ gave me hope tonight and in a way I needed it. My detached state unfortunately could not connect with the significance of His resurrection. As much as I wanted it to. So Christ gave me His love in a different way. He loved me through Jamie and Chris. But mostly tonight, He loved me through the most amazing young woman that I know and have the absolute honor and privilege to call my best friend. He makes all things new.

I'll be okay. Christ is risen. Alleluia. Happy Easter.