Graduation

Yesterday morning I walked out of my last classroom that if I wanted, I ever have to walk out of. The final I took I had completely stressed out the night before and was the first and only test I have ever actually studied for. There shouldn't be any possibility that I didn't receive an A and that feeling comforted me as I walked away from a campus that I will dearly miss. As I stood waiting for the light rail I wasn't exactly sure how to feel. So much of me wanted to celebrate. To go out and be proud of my accomplishment but it's a little difficult to do that on your own and have it be the same. I brushed the desire off and just said to myself that I'll celebrate Friday afternoon with my family and friends. Maybe, when the moment was more real.

I graduated high school in three years. My plans and aspirations were to join the United States Air Force and serve this country that I love. My health got in the way however and so I had to change my dreams. I began taking courses at Chandler Gilbert in the Spring of 2008. Because of the wrench thrown into my life I had taken a semester off but my goal was to finish on time. By May 2011 I would be a college graduate. I was at Chandler Gilbert for a year and half and then was ready to transfer to ASU. The last semester at CGCC however I realized that my major wasn't something I wanted. It was my parents' dream for me to become a doctor. For me to make enough money to provide for everyone. As much as I wanted and even felt obligated to be that person I knew I couldn't. My life was meant for something else. So I called ASU and said I wanted to major in Psychology, not Pre-Med. It was a tough call but it brought some relief. However it was momentary because I then was hit by two things; how was I going to tell my parents? And now I'm even more behind in school because I had just taken a bunch of useless classes. Still, secret in my pocket, I arrived on the Arizona State University campus in the Fall of 2009 and was ready to get to work. I crammed it in. Took Winter and Summer classes and up until my last semester I worked a full time job too. I needed to graduate in May. I wasn't going to accept anything else.

I'm the first person in my family to graduate. I accomplished something my parents never could. Life, for me, is extremely difficult. I have to deal with a past that haunts me every single day. I battle my thoughts and temptations. My family problems are too much to handle and I am so often tired of being everyone's parent. My health problems wear me down and deteriorate my already weakened mental state. I have more trouble cognitively than I let on and I keep waiting for the day that something occurs that provides the knockout punch. My present difficulties come from every angle and I don't even discuss half of it. This past year alone has brought me to my knees gasping for air and struggling so much to get back up. But despite all of that, I did it. It's May and the year 2011 and I'll walk across that stage Friday morning.

That has to count for something.