I have this pent up anxiety in me that I rarely express. Anxiety and frustration. I vocalize, mostly on here, my depression, my pain, my insecurities and so forth but there is this element inside that I'm trying to avoid. A person can only feel a certain amount of emotions before they completely just fall apart. I've had moments of falling apart. Moments. But it hasn't happened completely. I feel a storm coming on.
There are an infinite amount of words in my head. Descriptions of emotions, and detailed expressions of daily life. There are a variety of different subjects that throughout the day I wish to discuss. I need someone to sit with me and have an intelligent discussion. Then when we're done let's dive into conversations about random stupidity. Perhaps I need two people. One for the former and the other the latter.
I have certain fears that I've yet to talk about with anyone. I doubt I ever will. I suppose we all have our secrets.
Are my blogs and paragraphs within my blogs as scattered as my thoughts? I feel like I'm not making sense. Speaking in code almost with the expectation that people should understand but the knowledge that they won't.
I had the strangest dream last night. It involved King Kong, the Twilight cast and Erin and Chris. It was pretty intense and crazy and I woke up with my heart pounding and feeling scared. I'm so tired all the time because I'm not getting very good sleep. This has nothing to do with the dream though. Or maybe it does.
I think I'm losing myself and I'm in need of saving. But I don't want to be saved at the same time.
Sometimes we need lose ourselves before we can find out who we are or what we need. And don't worry if you do in fact lose yourself ill know where to find you :).
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