The past day and half have been extremely difficult. More so than others. The pain in my head comes in waves and feels like a knife is being rammed into my skull. Mornings are worse. I open my eyes each day and I want to cry out in pain, just praying for some sort of end. Throughout the day my speech slurs, and I mix up my words. I'm not quite sure if others have noticed quite yet. They're very little mistakes, but they're very big to me, in countless ways. I rather have the pain. I'm becoming forgetful. Again, little things. But all these things keep me up at night, even though all I ever want to do these days is sleep. My body is so weak. I have no appetite. The pain is not only in my head, but coursing through my entire body too. A lesser dull pain. A nagging and constant ache. It intensifies sometimes. Creating my legs to buckle from underneath me and me to hold onto something to support me while I struggle to stand. I'm positive the doctors don't have it all figured out. There's too many symptoms and only one real problem they've found. A problem, of course, I didn't want. Not that anyone does. Still, his words keep going through my head. His tone of voice. I remember wondering how many times he had said similar things to other patients. How many had cried, how many had been angry. Or how many had just sat there like me and retreated far into their head and could only think about how they were going to go to bed when they got home. And then a Kenny Chesney song came roaring into their head. Maybe a few the former, probably none the latter.

I think I've made my decision. Whether it be the correct one or not.