The year two thousand and eleven has been the worst year of my life by far. How I'm still breathing, still functioning, still anything is a miracle. Nothing less.
I sat in a wheelchair in the middle of the hall as my teens played a game of human foosball. As I watched them run and shout my heart swelled up in my chest and tears filled my eyes. Moments like those make me realize the reason for my existence. I know no greater love. I want to do great things. I want to be His hands and His mouth. I want to serve, and serve, and serve, and serve. Oh merciful Jesus how unworthy am I. But this is all I want. I want my life to be dedicated to Him.
During worship we sang a song. We've sung the song before and it always gets me. It always makes me feel like it was written for me. My heart pleads out with it.
He's not mad at you
He's not disappointed
His grace is greater still,
than all of your wrong choices
He is full of mercy and he is ever kind
Hear his invitation, His arms are open wide
You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
Louder than the voice that whispers you're unworthy
Hear the sound of love,
that tells a different story
Shattering your darkness and pushing through the lies
How tenderly he calls you,
His arms are open wide
You can come as you are,
with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
You can come as you are
You can come as you are with all your broken pieces
And all your shameful scars
The pain you hold in your heart,
bring it all to Jesus
You can come as you are
I can't even form the words my heart is feeling. Despite every human emotion and condition I feel and baggage I carry, at my core my main focus is Him. I just want to love until I die of Love. I want to be holy. I want to be His.
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