I'm lying on the floor wishing desperately that I was home. Wishing the clock would stop moving, wishing my to do list wasn't so long. I'm fighting back tears wishing I could just be held and feel like I'm wanted. I'm so completely overwhelmed. I've never not known what to do like this before. I don't have any idea who to turn to. The burden of the world is coming crashing down on me. I'm literally having trouble breathing right now. I'm plagued by anxiety and I just want to run. Everything hurts. I'm so scared. I'm questioning everything. The validity of every relationship, the strength, the promises, my strength, my promises. What the hell is real anymore?
Somehow someway everyone in my life has this way of pushing me down. Of making me feel like I'm nothing. Making feel like I'm worthless and a failure. I can't do anything right. I wish I could get your voices out of my head. I wish you all could stop impacting me like this. I wish I just didn't care. I want to close my whole world off because I'm so tired of everything. But this uncontrollable fear and desire to not want to be alone consumes me. It crushes me. I hate it. I hate me.
I'm at the foot of the mountain with a long way to climb. But why should I even start the journey when I know I'll just be pushed off again?
No comments:
Post a Comment