I think I lost my mind. What part did they remove? Really. Yet I can't help but just grin right now. Oh wow.
I want to talk to you so badly about all of this
What exactly changed in the past few weeks? Because I'm sure I really was angry at some point. I'm sure I really just wanted a never. Actually, I'm pretty sure just last week I wanted nothing. Maybe. But then I think I'm just desperate to lie to myself. I'm desperate to convince myself that nothing I feel is real because that's easier. I'm so scared. Completely terrified. Why can't I just run away? Or hide? I have no idea what I'm doing. And I feel like I can't even talk to anyone about what I'm feeling. When I blurted to Katrina I was nauseous. But I was relieved too. Even if I didn't even actually say the words. I said the possibility.
I'm moving too fast. But I don't want to slow down. But I'm so scared. Rational Steph, rational. Where is this all coming from?
I want to talk to you. But I know what you'll say. I don't want to hear what you'll say. But I want to talk to you.
Is it so wrong that I just want to be happy? I slip into these moments of bliss and I want to stay there. Forever. Oh I think I hate that word.
And you. Why can't you leave me alone? I gave you everything.
I can't please everyone. I wish I could. But I can't.
My life is insane.
...with these things there's no telling, we just have to wait and see...
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