IJWTBGEFS

A small portion of my night was brought to you by Sara Evans. I put her CD in my truck, allowed my lead foot to push down a little harder and sang way too loud. If I could have any talent in the world it would be to sing. I love singing so much. I love music. I love the way it makes me feel. I love leaving my emotions in a song. It's a bit ridiculous. But I usually only have those moments when I'm driving. Which is okay.

To say that I'm okay would be a lie. I'm quite literally shattered. It took maybe an hour but I managed to glue myself together. Have I ever hurt this much? Funny how it is. Funny how everything is. I don't think there's one solution. I'd like to say that 95% of me wants to go away. Hurt you one more time but only because once I'm gone, I can never hurt you again. But then what? I just never wanted to lose you.

I don't want to explain my emotions anymore because I just feel like all I ever do is complain. No one gets it anyway. I'm a broken record and no wants to listen to the song I have to play. I understand completely. I've been tired of listening to the song too. For probably so many more years than you.

Do you know what the worst thing is? How I screw everything up and hurt you so much by just being me. By just being who I am.

And this is why I can't stand the person staring back at me every day.

I'll try to be better. I always try. But I'm already stretched so thin. And I can't possibly keep any more promises.

I'm regretting even writing this. Because it can be taken in a way that I don't want it to be taken. I'm just sorry. So very sorry.