When I Get Better

It isn't new that I hurt. It isn't new that most days are unbearable. It isn't new that I fake most of my smiles and I compose myself probably too well. It isn't new that I'm unsure about everything. But I do know one thing and that is I will get better. I will be 100% and when I do there are just a few things that I want to do.

• I want to go to El Paso and put flowers on both my grandfather's graves
• I want to go to the Grand Canyon
• I want to go camping
• I want to go on a hike
• I want to drive to the beach with my best friend
• I want to play softball
• I want to play basketball
• I want my body back-where my muscles were defined and every part of me was toned.
  
• I want to go back to school
• I want a better job
• I want to rely on my memory
• I want to write without hurting
• I want to go somewhere I've never been
• I want to do something I've never done
• I want to feel something I've never felt
• I want to be loved the way I'm supposed to be loved.
  
• I want to let go and find healing.
  

I just want to live. I desperately want to live.