Just thinking.

Sometimes I let my thoughts go too far. I linger on the past, dream about the future and anxiously fret about the present. In a mind where hundreds of thoughts come at me at once I at times find it difficult to focus on a single thing. Even when a particular subject does weigh heavily on my mind I elaborate the details and various outcomes over and over again. I experience the emotions as though it were real life. With certain thoughts this creates an amazing joy but with others, well...

This isn't the first time I thought of it. Though this is not a subject that I consider very much. But I can't just shake the feeling and the questions of "what if". It is foolish to consider such things. The past is what it is and there is not a single thing you could do to change it. Yet here I am, thinking. Wondering what could have been and regretting so many things. Perhaps the happiness I felt sent me running. The excuse I made, was it the truth? Or was it an opportunity I used to guard myself and build a wall so tall that no one could ever climb?

I feel as though I need to discuss this with someone. Kayla, perhaps. She could always help in these situations. Hah. Oh Kayla. I miss that crazy girl. I'm thinking about Spring Break all over again. Oh my gosh.

I know who I want to talk to actually. But there simply is never the time.

I think I'll allow myself, for the night, to let my thoughts have full control.