Done.

I'm so angry, I'm crying. I'm so tired, I'm crying. I'm so freaking weak, I'm crying. Hey guess what guys? I'm crying.

My heart is going to explode. My hands are trembling. My brain doesn't know what emotion and pain to signal my body to feel. I'm shutting down. Completely shutting down.

Perhaps screaming will help. Maybe driving an unreasonable fast speed down the road with my music blaring will do. Perhaps a few more damn scars on my body. Not like it would matter either way. Pretty sure a few more to the hundreds already there would not make a noticeable difference. Yeah, yeah. Don't do that Steph. You don't just hurt yourself, you hurt everyone else too. Well what if I don't care anymore? What if I'm so tired of caring so much about every single person in my life only to feel let down by all of them? Feeling run over by them. Getting kicked, and spit at and when I stand back up, getting kicked again.

Quit complaining Stephanie Marie. Grow up. Just deal with it. Pray. Go talk to this person or that. Yeah, because it's all that simple. Oh but wait, life isn't simple, right? You just expect me to keep on going. Well maybe that's just too bad.

Am I being mean? See there I go again. Caring. Worrying if this is going to hurt anyone. Feeling limited in my expression because of the fear of causing some sort of pain. But who reads this piece of crap blog anyway? Erin, Jamie, Michael? Well dears, I'm not talking about any of you. Especially you Erin. You keep me sane. None of you though, don't take any of this personally.

I'm throwing up. I'm running a fever. And although my mom is not working who picked up Marisa today? Who is going to go get Anthony in a couple minutes? Who has to go buy food? Who needs to type a resume that isn't even hers? Who has to get things ready for a garage sale tomorrow? Who has to get yelled at every single day by the one person who I shouldn't have to worry about? Who has to bottle everything up because the rest of the world likes it better that way? Me. Always me.

It is more than obvious that I need to leave, and never turn back.