I'm sitting here, dressed and ready to go. The phrase "power hour" makes me laugh a little. Can we define power please? I don't know much but I'm pretty sure downing shots until you puke is the opposite of having power. It's more like giving it away. Why I'm even going to this event is beyond me. Perhaps I'm just lonely and I have a desire to be around people. Maybe I just want to go out and live a little. More than likely I just want to make sure no one gets hurt or gets into the driver's seat when they shouldn't. Or how about all of the above? Yeah, I choose that answer.
There's something else though. This tiny feeling inside of me that desires a taste. It isn't the alcohol that I want though. The idea sickens me. It's more the freedom from my thoughts and pain. I want to forget, just for a moment. I want to let go of everything and just be a kind of crazy that I have never been before.
You know I could very easily become an alcoholic and an addict. I have that addictive personality and incredible low self worth. Hah. Guess it's a good thing I have more sense.
I think one day I'm going to be the one that disappears and never comes back.
If in fact you did disappear and never come back i would be very saad. And i think Chris would be too. Along with Erin and your not-so-secret, secret lover Jacob.
ReplyDeleteAs far as alcohol i cant sit here and tell you that drinking is bad and you shouldnt do it. that would be very hypocrital. Nor am i gonna sit here and say "ya go ahead just give it a try". However i can recall a conversation you and i had at starbucks back in the day about your feelings about drinking and how you promised never to do it.
If you need some compnany i am available seeing as i have no job yet. And you wouldnt have to worry about any power hour. Unless you wanted to like pray the rosary or something. Myself and several others are always here for you Stephanie.
Michael, you're funny. I would NEVER drink. Read the blog again a little carefully. I said it wasn't the alcohol I wanted. It was the forgetting. I'm the last person on earth that needs a lecture on drinking or a reminder of promises.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your friendship though.
Yep. You were born biologically programmed to be an addict. So was I. It's something we just have to remember every dang day or chaos erupts. It's why God made us fighters - to combat the depression and addiction.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you're allowed to drink when I am. ;)