Three in One

So this blog is about 3 different topics. I thought about making separate posts but I figured that this was easier. So if you're a reader, bear with me.

Green-Eyed Monster?
So I don't really consider myself an overly jealous person. I have my moments but they're not a big deal. I have no concern over the faithfulness of my boyfriend. Although I tease him sometimes, I know he would never do anything to betray me. Though I suppose this jealousy isn't about that. No this has to do with my impatience probably more than anything else. Jealousy is just an unhealthy byproduct. I can't help it though. It's one of those things that gets me instantly bitter and aggravated in seconds. Once I realize what I'm feeling I settle down but that jealousy still eats at me. I just want so badly what they have. That stupid diamond ring. See? I'm already getting upset. Hah. Everywhere I look someone is getting engaged. If I log onto facebook and see another picture of a left hand I may just explode. And that doesn't even count all the people I know that are already married, or even have kids already. People I went to school with, extended family members, people I know at church. What makes me even more mad is when they're younger than me. Or have been dating less than Chris and I have. It makes me a little crazy.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't bug Chris about this. He knows what I want and at times he sees my frustration but I'm in no position to pressure him. I know the day will come it's just a matter of when. And I'll wait. Impatiently, but I'll wait. It's just I love him so much. He's all I want now and forever. I don't want to wait because for me there's no reason to. I just want to be his. This time of year is especially difficult for me, too. With my birthday, then Christmas, then New Years, then Valentine's day, then our anniversary. Now although I have no expectation of a ring soon, I can't help but have that hope inside of me. It's a thought that pounces on me and I try to smother it as soon as it enters my head. But that's impossible. I dream about it. I find myself just sitting around doing nothing and suddenly grinning with this wonderful and yet somewhat painful tightness in my chest and butterflies in my stomach and then I get mad at myself for letting that thought come in. But what can you do? I guess nothing. As soon as Feb 26th passes it'll get a bit better. Keep praying for patience Steph.

Kayla
Being someone's best friend is a complete honor for me. Mostly because it's the highest honor I can give someone. My friend Kayla and I have been friends for seven years and our relationship is pretty strong. I have never considered her my best friend because until Erin, no one was capable of breaking down that wall I had up. But I've always been Kayla's and in the smallest ways she constantly makes a point in telling me. I love her very much and I miss her daily. She's the craziest girl I know and I have so many amazing moments with her. She makes me feel at ease and I have a little too much fun with her. We have these giggle fits that are just so ridiculously insane and that Spring Break in Cali is something I will never forget. I'm seriously laughing out loud right now. She's in the Air Force and was recently deployed but is now back home in Italy where she's stationed. We don't get to talk too much but late last night I got a text message from an unknown number. It was Kayla and she needed to talk to me. We text back and forth for over an hour and my heart was just breaking for her. She's going through a real difficult time with her husband. For a lack of a better word, he's a complete ass. Or at least he's acting like one. I just feel so useless to her. Especially being so far away. She deserves so much. I stood by her side as her maid of honor when she married this man and I had so much hope for them. But the way he treats her infuriates me. All I can do is offer up my prayers and be here to talk to when she needs me. It just seems like it's not enough though. I'm her best friend. I should at least be killing the man or something.

El Paso
I went back home to El Paso on Wednesday morning and got back a few hours ago. The trip was way too short but it was so desperately needed. I hated leaving though. My family there is all so amazing. They make me feel loved. They treat me so well and the joy on their faces when they see me is irreplaceable. I live in a house filled with different family members but besides my sister, none of them act like they care. But six hours away is a woman who raised me when my own mother wouldn't, a grandmother who is so beautiful and still filled with so much life and energy, and the best cousins and tias in the world. I hate being away from them. Seeing them was wonderful though. Going back home gave me a strength that I was lacking. Feeling their love and support made me have the hope that one day things will get better. It gave me what I needed to keep on going. I love my family so much.