I hate these moments. When all I maybe need is sleep but it won't come. When every thought I have is too painful to think. I hate this feeling of sheer abandonment and not being wanted. Of not mattering to the people you're supposed to matter to the most. I hate this deep loneliness. When the only thing you can count on is the sting of an old friend. I hate this pain. When your insides feel like they've been slowly ripped out and every breath is too hard to take. I hate these tears. When there's too many to even just fall and the weight of it all is soul crushing. I hate falling. When there clearly is not a single person willing to catch me.

So many different possibilities the past few hours had. But I end up here.