I'm stuck deep in my head. Back in the corner where irrationality thrives and logic fails. I do what I can to distract myself. To find solace in past memories and even present conversations but there is too much doubt lingering in the air. The unknown and surrounding questions torment me. Perhaps this is my punishment. Perhaps in some twisted way I deserve the way I slowly tear myself apart. The way my mind jumps to conclusions and brings every fear and insecurity to the very forefront of every single thought. My heart feels everything too much and too intensely that at times I honestly forget to take a breath. All this pain is too much, but maybe it is warranted. I'm never one to shy away from my responsibility.
I miss my snake so much. He was beautiful and his death only added to my misery. I'm not one to take my hardships and become angry with God. But if I accounted you this week's events you'd wonder why now too. Anger hasn't hit me. But I feel abandoned. I feel so very alone.
I don't want to replace Petey but he was all I had. I just want a pet to love. But then again maybe this is all some sort of punishment. Or maybe I just need to go listen to that Sugarland song. I honestly don't know.
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