Some Sort of Syndrome

Either I need to follow random blogs or my friends here need to blog more often. You're all failing at keeping me stimulated with things to read. In other news..

Senioritis? I didn't catch it in high school. That probably has to do with the fact that I skipped that year. But right now? My gosh. I just kind of don't care. I was trying to read a study and just nothing sunk in. I rather be on Facebook. I rather be sleeping. I rather not get up tomorrow and go to class. This is so strange for me. I love school! But homework is so lame.

So I keep wanting to run to the store and buy things for my apartment. But there are two problems. Number one is I am not made of money. Not even close. Number two, I'm not sure I can. I get these two polarizing emotions; excitement and guilt. How in the world am I going to spend money on myself? Has anyone seen my wardrobe? It hasn't changed for years because I refuse to buy myself clothes. Do I want new clothes? Extremely badly. But how can I use money that I could potentially use on someone else on myself? It makes me sick. So how the hell am I going to buy anything? I'll buy common things. Things Erin needs too. But things for me specifically? I think my room will be bare. Thinking about it gets me nervous. I want so much. But I can't. Even if I was a millionaire I doubt I'd spend much on myself. My mom keeps telling me I need a job that will give me good health insurance because once May hits I'm kicked off the plan. Yay for graduation! But I think health insurance, really? That's an expense for me. If I get sick, I get sick. Have a seizure or two, I'll just stay home for a day. Break something? Well that may be unfortunate but I do have a high pain tolerance. Now I'm saying all of this sarcastically but seriously at the same time. I can't spend money on myself. That's selfish. At least that's what my brain tells me.

I mean, what do I really need? I think it's very good that Erin is going to live with me. I may not feed myself without her.