I take my job as a core member seriously. Those teenagers are my life, and I love each and every one them. Being able to share my faith with them is incredible. I'm not someone they should look up to by any means, but through the grace of Christ I am called to lead them. I do my best, and I ask God for a lot of help. But tonight, it wasn't just about them. No. Tonight was about me and Jesus.
Even before He came out in the monstrance my emotions were flowing. As soon as I began singing I lost it. I was caught up in the the enormity of how much I needed Him. How much that I had been trying to do everything on my own and had neglected really asking for His help. And when Deacon Joe brought my Lord and Savior out, all my being cried out to Him. My heart ached and longed for His love. My tongue was filled with songs and praise for Him. I wanted to run up to the altar and tell Him how much I loved Him. How beautiful He was to me. How I needed Him and wanted Him to take over every area of my life and conform it to His will. As I prostrated myself in front of His glorious beauty I sobbed into the carpet of the church. I cried to my King and surrendered. Something inside of me jolted me up and before I knew it I was fumbling through my purse searching for my rosary. I found it and wrapped it tightly in my hand to the point where the beads were causing me pain. I cried harder thinking about how much pain I had caused Him throughout my life. How even if I was the only person in the world, He would have still died for me. And as I laid prostrated I was overcome with a familiar sensation. It was the same feeling I got over seven years ago that night in the park. That night when I yelled at a blackened sky, to a God I didn't know. I got the same warmth and love that poured down on me the moment I first knew I wasn't alone in this world. I was once again wrapped in His love. God was holding me, intimately. I was home.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit... I love you Lord
No comments:
Post a Comment