Seeing Red. Don't bother reading.

I think someone needs to define friendship to me. They also need to define love, respect, trust, and forever. Because at this point I'm too damn frustrated and confused to really understand.

I'm pretty pissed off. I hate cussing but a string of profanity is running through my head. I'm pretty sure I could easily punch a hole in the wall behind me. I have an overwhelming desire to do so. Oh my goodness.

You think not talking is a good idea? Okay. Because I have so many friends that I can talk to. Go ahead and take a step out of my life. That won't bother me any. I'll add it to the list of people who just walk away. That not what you're doing? Doing it for my best interest huh? Well okay. Thanks for asking me about it. If you were a problem I would tell you. I'm pretty damn honest. I may do my best to say things nicely most of the time, but I tell you how it is.

Oh, and you? Guess what? I told you off and I mean every word. Was I maybe a bit harsh? Yeah. But at this point I have to be. I'm tired of freaking banging my head against a brick wall. I no longer want to go in circles. If you want to doubt how I feel, well go right ahead. Because if everything I've done hasn't proved my devotion to you so far, fuck it. I'm tired of all these games. I have one foot out the door. This is serious. I'm standing up for me.

Oh, and all of you, I'm not a freaking parent!!! I'm a freaking 20 year old college student with a life that is quickly spinning out of control. I cannot take time out of my day to drive across town and pick up my sister just because you're all idiots and cannot stay sober for a freaking weekend. Especially when I'm at school working a project with a group that I've only spent oh, 10 hours on, and am still not finished. I cannot keep only getting 3 hours of sleep because I'm being depended on to do everyone's homework. Do I ask for your help? Ever? Do I come crying to you with all my problems? Do I waste my money at casinos and random vacations that I can't afford? Do I get so drunk that I piss myself and not even freaking realize it? Do I take your things without asking for them and then get mad because I don't have access to a computer that is yours that you are using in order to complete a very important assignment? No. I take care of my own crap. I cannot pick up the slack for the other six people living in this damn house.

Screw it all. I hate being angry. I hate feeling all of this inside me. I need to go away. I can't live in Gilbert, AZ. I can't live in Arizona. I need to distance myself from everything. My life is going nowhere. And no, this is not about me just not being patient. I seriously would like any one of you to feel what I do, deal with what I do and still accomplish what I do on any given day. Seriously. Try it.