Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

I haven't seen the movie "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" in years. To be honest, I couldn't. I was afraid of the thoughts it would bring. One of my many faults has to do with my ability to take something small and conjure it up into something big. It isn't that I make a big deal out of everything. It's more that I put meaning behind things that I shouldn't.

The first time I watched the movie it made me smile. It made me appreciate and love the three friends that were everything to me in my life more than I already did. In each of the characters I saw a little bit of all of us. There wasn't a specific girl that we related to, but a mix of our personalities within each.

I'm not sure if it was just simply naive of me to think what we had would last a lifetime. Maybe because it was my first taste of real love. The first time that I wasn't afraid to be me with other people. I trusted each of them so much. Our beginnings were unique, but the time spent together, even across states, was something I will never forget. I don't regret anything about those days. I just regret that it ended.

Diana and Erin, I don't know who you two are anymore. Erin, you were the big sister that I never had. There have been so many occasions that I miss listening to your advice so much. The pink rosary you gave me? It's the only one I pray with. Though I know you won't read these words, I hope more than anything that you're happy and that all is well.

Diana, I think I could write a book about you. I will never find someone that I could ever truly be that close to again. Not in that way. What we had was once in a lifetime. Your birthday is on Monday. I miss you every single day. What I hate the most is that I don't understand what happened. I never thought that you would simply call me up one day and just tell me that you don't want to be friends anymore. Nothing has ever hurt so much. But it's okay. As long as you're happy, it's okay. I hope to God you are.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie... I'm smiling right now. You know why? Because right in front of me is a picture of us from that December I went to Utah and spent a few days with you. We're sitting on the porch of your parent's house. Next to that are two more things. One, a painting you made for me. Do you remember it? The next thing is a music box you gave me for my birthday. Even more so, in my room on my bulletin board is a picture of you and I from your reception. On a shelf I have is a picture you took in Salt Lake of a an alleyway. There's a brick building and flowers hanging from one of the windows at the bottom. You put a quote on it and framed it beautifully. You even stuck a note in the back between the picture and the frame that I found years later. Yes Jamie, you're still here. I thank God for you every day. You're the most beautiful girl in the world to me, for so many different reasons. I love you so much. Even if I lived a thousands years, I could never express how grateful I am to you for never leaving me.

I saw the movie tonight, and I cried. But the impact wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Maybe because I had prepared myself. Maybe because part of me has simply moved on. Or maybe because although what happened between all of us wasn't the way I wanted, I'm just glad that I had that time with them in the first place.