Enough

I have been trying extremely hard to keep my emotions in check. Anger is not something I like to feel. But this is just too much. I'm not asking for a lot, am I? Perhaps I should have defined space better? Outline what it means when I say I do NOT want to talk? I thought I was pretty clear but apparently not.

You make me want to scream.

Because I know you're going to read this, here we go. Giving me space and not talking means the following:

1. Do NOT reply to this blog in any form. No comments, no texts, no messages on Facebook. Nothing.

2. Do NOT text me about anything. Unless you're dying, fine. But you should probably call 911 first. The beautiful sunset outside is not an emergency. I can look out my window and enjoy beauty on my own, thank you.

3. Do NOT send me anything on Facebook. Why the heck would you invite me to go see a movie with you when you know I want nothing to do with you right now? I don't care if it's two weeks away. No, no, NO!

4. Stop talking to other people about me. You're in this situation for a reason you're responsible for. Deal with it.

5. I don't care if you love me and you will until the day that you die. I don't care that I'm in your every prayer. I don't want to be, and I don't want your love.

Look, I'm not trying to be mean. The reason I don't want to talk to you is mostly because I'm afraid that I will tell you things that will hurt and I'll regret later. I'm extremely upset, terribly hurt and unbelievably frustrated. And every time I get things under control and I'm thinking of reaching out you give me another reason not to. It isn't that I don't care about you or don't want your friendship. But you're driving me crazy. Even the things that sound nice and I admit you may mean, make me furious. Please, please, PLEASE leave me completely alone. When I'm ready I'll talk. But not a second sooner. And each time you say something to me before that is just creating more time that I'll keep my silence.

Could I perhaps be more mature about this? Yeah, maybe I could. Could I not blog about it for the world to read? Absolutely. But hey, every one of your damn blogs is about me so why not give you something? Ugh.