A House that Built Me

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me
-Miranda Lambert

I was talking to my cousin this morning and during our conversation he mentioned that our grandmother is thinking about selling her house. My whole body froze for a second. Immediately tears flooded my eyes. The idea of that house not being lived in by someone in our family just kills me. That tiny house in El Paso is the definition of home. I grew up there. We all did. Me, Frank, John, Natasha, and Chito. But even more than that, our parents. My dad, my Tia Lecha and Tia Stella, My Tio Rene and Tio Checho. My grandparents bought that house when they got married. My grandpa took his last breath there. Big parties with full on mariachis bands were thrown in the backyard. Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays were celebrated in that house. All of us together enjoying each other. Every weekend during my childhood I was at my Grandma's. Frank, John and Natasha and I would all cram into the living room and have sleep overs. We'd talk for hours and just laugh until late into the night. Then when John and Frank would slip into sleep Natasha and I would stay up later and continue laughing and talking until usually Grandma would come out of her room and tell us to be quiet. Hah. My cousins and I created a club and we put on talent shows for our family. Every Sunday we'd play football across the street from the house in the parking lot of a church. We had a war once with the kids across the alleyway in the house behind us. Whenever we were sad or needed time alone we would climb up on the roof and just sit and think. I always thought it was amazing that you could literally see Mexico from the roof. This house holds so many memories. Not just for me, but all of us.

When I left for Arizona in the 6th grade for the final time this was the place where I said my last goodbyes. The hardest part was driving away from this house and seeing all my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandma crying on the lawn. Every time I visit I come here. That house on Sacramento is my home. I don't want to live without it.